It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
