I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
