How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
