I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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