Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
