my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
