im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
