I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
