ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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