I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
