Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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