did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
