They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
