So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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