if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
