who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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