Someone shit on the floor
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
