I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
