i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
