I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How does it feel to date your dad?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
last night I used snow as a chaser
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
