There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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