Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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