You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
