Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
