i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
