Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
