You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
