So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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