I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
