She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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