God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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