I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
