They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
