Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
