I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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