Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
