nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
