Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
