i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
