she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
