you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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