so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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