If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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