Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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