I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
