That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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