At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
