My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
