she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
