He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
