wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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