best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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