I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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